An Interview with Soshi Angai

 

Kakita Brent: All right, you can stop moping about...this next guest should be right up your alley. For once, you might even be able to add something meaningful to the conversation.

Bayushi James: Please tell me that this next guest is at least human...

Kakita Brent (smirking): Oh, don't wory. This next guest is nothing less than the most recent Scorpion ambassador to the Dragon Clan, so I'd suggest you brush your teeth again.

Bayushi James: Wha?

Soshi Angai: Hello!

Kakita Brent (muttering): Seems awfully chipper for a Scorpion...

Soshi Angai: I brought cookies! Want one?

Bayushi James: Cookies? Why in Jigoku are you bringing cookies?!?

Kakita Brent (holding cookie gently): OK, I'm betting a fifty-fifty shot of poison...failing that, I'm betting that this is some new type of explosive... Either way, you'll understand if I decide to delay on being the first to eat...

Soshi Angai (gesturing wildly): Oh no, nothing like that, unless you're allergic to chocolate chips! And in that case, I brought peanut butter!

Kakita Brent (still looking at cookie): I don't know...

Bayushi James: Hmmm...wonder if that Ratling is stil around...I could kill two birds with one cookie.

Soshi Angai: Come on. They're just cookies! You guys are so suspicious; after all, I'd never stoop to something so dishonorable as using poison!

Bayushi James: Yeah...what's up with that?

Kakita Brent: So she's got a thing against dishonesty...it's not unheard of. Some people would even say that it's a benefit.

Soshi Angai: Yeah! Just because I'm a Soshi, what's wrong with having a little honor?

Bayushi James: Listen to yourself! You're one of our only shugenja, and your moral code is impossibly high! You're holding us back, woman! All we ask is that you steal people's honor, help us force some seppuku, and wreck some general havoc! But no...one Breech of Etiquette...heck, even one fickin' Ninja Spy, and you start waving that dignity crap around! I don't know if your parents didn't raise you right or what...

Soshi Angai (ducking head): Well, maybe you guys could try not using assassins and stuff...I mean, you're a Kolat and all....

Kakita Brent: That sounds about as good as a confession to me.

Bayushi James: I'M NOT A FRICKING KOLAT!!! And even if I was...which I'm not, you shouldn't go blurting things out, because we're the Scorpion and we're supposed to be dishonest, tricky and above all...keep secrets! This is what happns when a generation gets raised by Crane!

Kakita Brent: Calm down, James...she's not totally with scruples, after all. Angai, I've heard rumors that you were trying to infiltrate the Kakita Academy, and even killed out of our guys. Care to explain?

Soshi Angai: Um...would you believe I glued a wakizashi upright on the table, and he fell on it?

Kakita Brent: Not with your Chi, I won't...

Bayushi James: You're also the worst liar I've ever heard! Glued a wakizashi??? Arrgh, I can't take this!

Soshi Angai: Awww, I think somebody needs a hug...

Kakita Brent: Naw, I'm OK...

Bayushi James: WE-DON'T-HUG-HERE!!! You're ruining everything...a thousand years of fear and deception, down the drain!!!

Soshi Angai: Sniff...now I need a hug...

Kakita Brent: Sheesh, man, now look what you've done. Eat one of her cookies...it'll make her feel better.

Bayushi James: Fine! <Munch, Munch> Hmm, good texture, not too sweet...still moist...

Soshi Angai: A side benefit of studying at the Kakita Academies! And best of all, they're low in fat!

Bayushi James: You're even scrimping on butter? Oh, when will it end?

Kakita Brent: I think now's about as good a time as any for it to end. Angai, thanks for stopping by...for a Scorpion, you're a great gal. Its so nice to see a mmber of the Scorpion that finally got through to understanding honor. Stop by anytime.

Bayushi James (looking at cookie): Hmmm...well, I guess health food's kinda like poison...

Soshi Angai (picking up cookie basket): Thanks a lot, Kakita-san! It'd been a lot of fun, guys; I'll have to stop back after I go over and use my Secrets on the Winds on the Akodo generals!

Bayushi James: Now that's better. There's hope for you yet!

Kakita Brent: O MY KAMI! I can't believe you're encouraging this!

Bayushi James: Listen, this girl makes cookies, reads excerpts on bushido, and has an honor requirement fit for only those that have no idea how useful assassins really are. She needs all the enocouragement she can get!

The End (For Now...)