An Interview with Dairya (kind of)

Kakita Brent: I thought that you got out of this business.

Bayushi James: What?  It's not a Bloodsword!  Look, no blade!

Kakita Brent (waving around Dairya's Cackling Skull): At least you could iaijutsu with a bloodsword!  This stupid maraca; do you even remember what happened with the last tainted inanimate object interview?

Bayushi James: All I remember is that you owe me money.

Kakita Brent: Chris owed you money, so ha.  No dice until he returns...and even then it's doubtful.

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Could you please stop shaking me?  I hate it when people do that!

Kakita Brent (dropping skull): O MY KAMI!  Dairya!  Is that really you?

Bayushi James (setting Skull on daisho stand): I told you this would be better than a Bloodsword!  So come on, Dairya, make with the funny!  You're supposed to be a "cackling skull," after all.

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Umm, my soul is eternally trapped in this club, and you want funny?  I'm in serious spiritual agony here, and touching the stand that once held Togashi's Daisho is not helping!

Bayushi James: Well that wasn't funny at all...

Kakita Brent: Actually, that's about the funniest Dairya's ever been.

Dairya's Cackling Skull: What's that supposed to mean?  Was that a shot?!?

Kakita Brent: I'm just saying you were never the "funny" type.  You were an obsessed, vengeful ronin who rode around refusing challenges and shooting people in the face!  Does that sound funny to you?

Bayushi James: Yeah, what was up with that?  Why would you, of all people, ever want to refuse a challenge?  Beating people up at random is part of the fun of being a ronin!

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Hey, I didn't survive as long as I did by getting into duels!  Even back in my day there were Kharmic Strikes, Poisoned Weapons, Another Times, Overwhelmeds, Doji Rejus...

Kakita Brent: You already said Kharmic Strikes...

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Right, right.  Like I was saying, it's safer to avoid a fair fight.  I never got Bent Like a Reed shooting people in the face!

Bayushi James: I guess that makes sense, I mean look at what happened to you when you fought Toshimoko again...

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Hey, I won that fight, dammit!

Kakita Brent (rolling eyes): He's in Yomi as a revered ancestor and you're a goblin party favor, and you still want to argue about who won?

Dairya's Cackling Skull: I hate you guys...

Bayushi James: So if your life sucks so badly, what's with the "cackling skull" nickname?  You're about as funny as a Matsu mime...

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Heh...it's just this joke Daigotsu made one day.  I tell you, the man knows funny!  And he's powerful, smart, altruistic, and totally devoted to...

Brent and James: Shut up, Dairya.

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Admit it.  You wish the other Winds were as noble as Daigotsu.

Kakita Brent: ..........

Bayushi James: Hey, Tsudao is noble!  She's just dumb as a brick!

Dairya's Cackling Skull: Heh, I guess I win this one, at least!  You guys suck!

<Sound of seething Interviewers>

Dairya's Cackling Skull: ...um, this daisho stand is really getting warm...do you think...

Kakita Brent: Why don't you just ask Daigotsu to save you?

Bayushi James: Why do I have a feeling that I should be fleeing in terror and screaming "help, help, I'm on fire" right about now?

Kakita Brent: He's just a maraca...how big could this be?

BA-DOOM!!!

Bayushi James (lying upside down against wall): I hate you so much...

Kakita Brent (crawling over to check on daisho stand): I couldn't help it.  Chris would never tolerate it if I let a powerful artifact pass through here and didn't lose or destroy it.  It's tradition.

Bayushi James: Did I mention I can't feel my legs?

The End (for now...)