An Interview with Ghedai
Kakita Brent (rifling through papers): Man, I had forgotten how many of these old tapes and pictures we've just had lying around...nice to know that we have plenty of time to sort these things out, what with everyone else fighting the Akodo and Shiba forces...
Bayushi James (setting down heavy box): Two down, five hundred and eighty four to go....
Kakita Brent: Well, if you moved more than like one every week...
Bayushi James: Hey, these things are heavy...didn't want to overexert myself.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK
Kakita Brent: You didn't bribe another one of Toturi's kids, did you?
Bayushi James: I can't be expected to keep track of all the shenannigans and goings-ons around here.
Ghedai (peeking through door): Hello? Hello? Issss anyone here? Issss thissss "514 Evergreen Terrace?"
Kakita Brent: Sir, this is a mountain...there are neither Evergreens, nor actual terraces. I think that you're mistaken. Sorry.
Bayushi James: Well, there was that one tree, but we had to cut it down for firewood...and it was spoiling the view. Stupid nature.
Ghedai (looking over directions): ...I don't undersssstand...they sssaid thissss wasss where all the Naga would be meeting, in order to rejoin the Akasssha... Besssides, they sssaid that there would be a big party, and we wouldssslay sssome enemies of the Bright and the Pale, have a good time...
Kakita Brent: WHO told you this...?
Kakita Brent: D'oh...so, you're not one of those Slayer-Naga that's going to attack and destroy, in order to "cleanse the Foul from the Pale" are you...this place is already teetering on reconstruction... We do not need another set of rampage-related violations.
Bayushi James: No wait, the inspector did say that we're up to code again...sort of....according to the standards of Hantei the Twelfth..
Ghedai: But...but, I'm ssssupposed to rejoin the Akasssha! I have to! I'll missss out if I don't!
Bayushi James: Um...miss out on what? Sloppy Joes and Don Knotts videos? I wonder what exactly these are doing in there...
Kakita Brent: Look pal, there's no Akasha here...I'm telling you, I've been al through this temple... Except Chris's room...
Ghedai: Chrisssss?!? The one that the Mara calls "the sssupreme human fool?" The bald guy...we have orders to kill him. Maybe that'ssss why I'm here!
Kakita Brent (looking over Ghedai): Well, he is kinda a wuss...but then again, you're not exactly Crab Clan material yourself, pal. You're a cobra shugenja, after all...maybe you're one of those Naga that are supposed to stick around and guard the Shinomen from evil...
Bayushi James (looks at Ghedai): Which explains why it's been overrun with Shadowlands, I guess...well, if he's just been wandering around trying to find Evergreen Terrace...
Ghedai: What? Protect the Ssshinomen? Me?
Bayushi James: Yeah, it's a dubious proposition...guess they figured a nonhuman of your caliber could handle it.
Kakita Brent (sliding over into Interviewer seat): So, why don't you tell us a litle bit about yourself...I mean, I'm sure that being one of the last Naga Guardians is a tough thing to do.
Bayushi James: Yeah, mybe we could get you better directions...a map..........................a clue.
Ghedai (elated): That wold be wonderful! Firssst of all, I am indeed one of the legendary Cobra ssshugenja...we use Pearl Magic in order to fight the essssssence of the Sssshadowlandsss!
Kakita Brent: You couldn't have done too much fighting...after all, you never even got an Experienced version.
Ghedai (smiling weakly): ...Well, actually, I represssent the travel agency branch of the Cobra jakla...
Bayushi James: Travel Agency? And you couldn't even get simple directions right?
Ghedai: It'sss my firssst day...and anyway, it's more of a "guesssss and essstimate" kind of professsssion.
Kakita Brent (pulling out paper): Look, I'll play the hero and give you directions back to the Shinomen; that's probably where you'll find the rest of the Naga. Just don't wake them up...I'd imagine they might be kinda touchy about that. Um, do you need like food or anything...it's a long walk...err...slither back to the forest.
Ghedai (patting lump in body): No thanksss...I just caught lunch.
Lump: Help me! Help me Crane-Crane!
Bayushi James: Hey, that sounds oddly and annoyingly familiar...
Ghedai: It'ssss nothing! Ssssometimesss thingsss do that for hourssss! Really!
Lump: Help me, Scorpion-Scorpion!
Bayushi James: I don't think I've ever heard my lunch do that.
Kakita Brent: O MY KAMI! He ate the Ratling! You ate the Ratling!
Ghedai (slithering backwards): No, really...I jussst need a few minutes...you know...sssettle my ssstomach...you know...excessss acid...
Lump: Me no excess acid-aicd! Crane-Crane, Scorpion-Scorpion, HELP!
Kakita Brent: Kakita blade, please.
Bayushi James: Careful...he may still have some of our stuff.
<For the purpose of brevity, we hereby omit the long and painful extraction of the Ratling Thief...trust us, it's for the best.>
Ratling Thief (shaking out fur): Stupid Snake-Snake! Me Nezumi...not snack food!
Ghedai: Thisss cut will heal over, right?
Bayushi James (nervously): Just keep pressure on it, it'll be fine.
Ratling Thief: In thanks-thanks, I give you this money pouch!
Bayushi James (looking at pouch): HEY! Property of...I knew it! I knew it! Come here, you!!!
Ghedai: Yesss! Capture Ratling again!!!
Kakita Brent (watching as James and Ghedai chase the Ratling Thief down the mountain): Well, I guess that I can mark this one off as an Interview...sort of. You know, I knew that Mara hated Chris...until I met Ghedai, though, I never knew how much she really wanted him to suffer. Leave it to me to get caught with the splash damage.
The End (for now...)