An Interview with Ide Tang

Kakita Brent: Boy, things have really backed up while we were gone.  Maybe next time we should hire someone to watch the place while we're out...

Bayushi James: I'm never going out again.  I though I made myself clear on that...

Knock, Knock, Knock

Bayushi James: Can I help you...just from looking at that hat, I'm betting the answer is "yes."

Kakita Brent (looking at newcomer): James, leave him alone.  The Unicorn Clan aren't exactly masters of Rokugani fashion, but at least they try...well, except for Shinjo Xushen, who's not trying at all.

Ide Tang (straightening hat): Silence!  I am Ide Tang, ambassador of the great Khan!

Kakita Brent: Tang?

Bayushi James: Ah, Tang...the samurai the Asako monks took to the moon...

Kakita Brent (hanging head): Worst joke ever.

Bayushi James: Considering he gave me Tang AND Khan to work with, I'm sure it could have been worse.

Ide Tang: Silence, fools!  I bear a message from the Moto Chagatai, the Great Khan of the Unicorn Clan.  For delaying me, he will surely have you both beaten.  Do not threaten your future by delaying me any further.

Kakita Brent (checking card): Wow, direct from the flavor text!  Nicely done.

Bayushi James: At the risk of beatings and further...whatever, what are you doing here, pal?  In case no one told you, Kaneka's pocket is that way.  I'm sure that the rest of the Unicorn Clan can point you in the right direction.

Ide Tang: I am a goodwill ambassador to Lord Satsu, if you must know.

Kakita Brent: Yes, because you look like such a friendly, honest soul...  Hey, why don't you bring some of those Otaku...sorry, Utaku Battle Maidens by!  Lord Satsu would really appreciate that!

Ide Tang: .....................................

Bayushi James (whispering to Brent): Look at that vein on his head twitch.  That can't be healthy.

Kakita Brent: Er, what I meant to say, Tang-san, is that Lord Satsu really is a busy guy, what with all the...whatever he has been doing, I guess.  If you'd like, you could try talking to Uso.....though he's not been around either.  Or maybe the Kitsuki Daimyo......whoever that is.  Oh wait, what about Tamori Shaitung?  I know she's been around recently...

Bayushi James: No can do.  Last I heard, she and Nakamura were having "quiet time."

Ide Tang: It matters not!  A message from the Khan is too important to favor the mere eyes of a family daimyo.  I request, nay, I DEMAND to speak to someone in true authority here!

Kakita Brent (whispering to James): The boy is in the zone here...quick, give him a secret Kolat handshake or something, or he'll sic the assassins on us!

Bayushi James (whispering): Umm, OK...here goes.

Bayushi James: Yo, what up wit' all dis shiznat, dude?  Why y'all trippin' and illin' on my turf?  Dragon Clan rulez dis, yo!

Ide Tang: What?

Bayushi James: Ah to heck with it. (grabs Togashi's Daisho's Daisho Stand)  Memory be gone!

BASH!

Bayushi James (glancing over shoulder): This is where you say, "O MY KAMI, you clunked the annoying Unicorn guy right in his stupid hat!"

Kakita Brent: Actually, it's sad, but the surprising ending would have been one where you didn't bash him in the face with a holy artifact.  What was his message from the Khan, anyway?

Bayushi James (unrolling scroll): Apparently Togashi Satsu "may already be a winner."

Kakita Brent: I'd heard that Chagatai was ruthless, but I never thought I'd see the day...

The End (for now...)