Indecision 1000! Round 2…The Insanity Continues.



Mirumoto Christopher: Welcome back, everyone. After that delightful, um… “commercial  break”, order has been restored…

Kakita Brent (putting sword in saya): I don’t care if you are a descendent of Amaterasu, this is my danish! You like that hand, you’ll let go now!

Mirumoto Christopher (with sweat drop): Yes…well, for those of you just joining us allow me to summarize. No, that would take too long…allow me to sum up.

Mirumoto Christopher (tapping papers): We are joined by the esteemed Hantei XVI and Toturi the FIRST in the first ever Imperial Debate, in order to prevent a full scale war from enveloping Rokugan…again.

Hantei XVI: What’s wrong with a little war? It keeps the rabble to a reasonable level…

Kakita Brent: Be that as it may…I hesitate to ask this at all, but are either of you even the least bit willing to compromise?

Hantei XVI (not listening): And nothing’s quite like the aftermath of war to heighten the feeling of your populace’s abject terror.

Mirumoto Christopher: I do believe that is a “no.”

Toturi I: Look at meeeeee!

Mirumoto Christopher: Hai, Toturi I-sama. With your wife being a former Phoenix and all…what is your view of this rumored kidnapping plot?

Hantei XVI (pointing out window, gesturing frantically): OH-MY-KAMI, what was that?

Kakita Brent: HEY!!!

Mirumoto Christopher: Don’t mind Aramasu…he’ll fall back down soon enough.

Toturi I: Ahem…I designed the new defensive perimeter around the Phoenix lands myself. The only weak spot would take a Tactical Genius to locate! I mean, hidden behind a tree next to the South Wall! Only a small child could be pulled though that. It’s a brilliant plan!

Hantei XVI (muttering): Indeed it was… idiot.

Kakita Brent: One major problem facing Rokugan today is maho. Emperor Toturi has…

Toturi I (perking up): Toturi the FIRST!

Kakita Brent (picking up): …already hired a new Jade Champion to combat this menace. Emperor Hantei, what are your views on maho-tsukai?

Hantei XVI: What do you mean by that? I don’t know any maho-tsukai! I am not even related to Iuchiban!

Mirumoto Christopher: Hantei-sama, we did not ask about Iuchiban…is there something we should know?

Hantei XVI (pointing out window, gesturing frantically): OH-MY-KAMI, what was that?!?

Mirumoto Christopher (staring blankly): …baka.

Kakita Brent: Answer the question, danish thief!

Toturi I (peering out window): There’s nothing out here! I missed it!  I miss everything…

Hantei XVI: I just wanted to reiterate that the Hantei Dynasty is in no way affiliated with maho-tsukai, the Shadowlands, or any other dark forces…

Kakita Brent: Other than yourself…

Hantei XVI: …other than myself. Hey!

Mirumoto Christopher (tapping papers, again): Please, please…everyone calm down! Toturi I, please move away from the window and sit down. Hantei-sama, no one is accusing you of being a maho-tsukai, or even being related to a maho-tsukai. Let’s just finish the debate like civilized…er, spirits.

Kakita Brent: There are nasty rumors spreading from the Crab lands about a devastating new force out in the Shadowlands…again. Word of oni being chewed on, limbs missing. As if something is collecting their hearts…any thoughts on how your rule would prepare for this coming darkness?

Toturi I: As the greatest hero that Rokugan has ever known, I would gather my former allies…the Seven Thunders? You might have heard of us.

Kakita Brent: Well, Toturi-sama, you do realize that all of the other Thunders are dead…right?

Toturi I: They can just come back as Spirits, can’t they? It is not that hard!

Mirumoto Christopher: Actually, according to the laws of the Spirit Realm they cannot return. Oblivion’s Gate has been shut.

Toturi I (blinking): …

Hantei XVI: It would seem that everyone has forgotten that I have an entire army of Spirits at my command. It is easily large enough to march straight to Otosan Uchi…or, if you vote for me, to protect you from the Shadowlands.

Mirumoto Christopher (bravely): The Empire will never kneel to tyranny, Hantei.

Hantei XVI: Heh…I’ve heard that before.

Kakita Brent: Until all of the votes are in…and counted…and recounted…nothing is final. So enough threats.

Hantei XVI: Why can’t we just settle this like civilized people? I would suggest a duel. Our Imperial Captains, one on one.

Kakita Brent: Toturi…?

Mirumoto Christopher: No, no!  Don’t encourage him, Brent!

Toturi I: …sure! My loyal retainer, Toku, has never failed me in my hour of need. I have absolute faith in him. What could go wrong?

Kakita Brent: Weren’t you kidnapped by the ninja just three days after Toku became Captain of the Imperial Guard?

Toturi I: Yes…what are you getting at?

Mirumoto Christopher (running in with sheet): The votes are in! The new Emperor of Rokugan is…

Hantei XVI: Thank you, thank you. I always knew that terror and woe were the keys to victory! In fact…

Kakita Brent (brandishing katana): Let the man read…or else.

Mirumoto Christopher: …is Toturi I, with 140 votes! Congratulations, new Emperor-sama.

Hantei XVI (head hung): Well, I guess that the best man won, Toturi. I suppose that now there’s nothing left for my Spirit army to do but leave Rokugan…forever. I wish you only the best. And…


Kakita Brent (watching Toturi dance out of temple): I would like to say that the better man won…but that dance number leaves me wondering.

Mirumoto Christopher: Yet another triumph for democracy!

Hantei XVI (wrathful): “Democracy?!?”

Kakita Brent: Crap…

Mirumoto Christopher (aside to Kakita Brent): Uh oh…I think he figured it out.

Hantei XVI: This is not a democracy, representative or otherwise! This is a divine monarchy with ties to the feudal system. I can still declare WAR on him.  WAR, WAR, WAR, WAR, WAR!

Kakita Brent (watching Hantei dance out of temple): So…are we at war again?

Mirumoto Christopher: It would appear so.

Kakita Brent: Bring it on.

Mirumoto Christopher (tapping papers): Well,…

Kakita Brent: What do you have written on those papers? Give them to me!

Mirumoto Christopher: Eep!

Kakita Brent (reading papers): This has nothing at all to do with the debate! This is your to-do list…let’s see; “11:30, call Kachiko. 11:31, hang up phone, 12:18, set up Interview with Bloodsword…”

Mirumoto Christopher: As you can see, just a normal day…

Kakita Brent (readying sword): Change the channel now, folks…this is going to get real ugly.



THE END (for now…)