An Interview with Bayushi Kachiko


Kakita Brent: Well folks, here we are again, back in the Interviewing Temple of the Dragon Clan.  Today is something of a special day…  

Mirumoto Christopher: I’ll say!!!

Kakita Brent: …Um, yes.  Well, anyway we are here awaiting the imminent arrival our favorite Scorpion…man, no matter how many times I say that, it still seems odd.

Mirumoto Christopher: What’s wrong with it?  Oh yeah, the whole “Crane-Scorpion” thing…

Kakita Brent: It’s in the past, I guess…

Bayushi Kachiko (looking beautiful): Hello, boys.

Mirumoto Christopher: Ack…

Kakita Brent: D’oh…well, so much for his help.  Welcome to the Temple, Lady Scorpion.  It is both our honor and our pleasure to have you here today.

Bayushi Kachiko: Cute.  But first things first…why have you been calling my number and then hanging up?  It’s very rude of you.

Kakita Brent: But I didn’t…I mean I would never…wait a minute…

Mirumoto Christopher (smiling desperately): ……….

Kakita Brent (pointing with sword): YOU!

Mirumoto Christopher (smiling MORE desperately): I…know nothing about this.  Honest.

Bayushi Kachiko: Well that solves that.  Now what would you like to know?

Mirumoto Christopher (smiling still so stupidly): The Scorpion is called the Clan of Secrets, and most people are out to stop you at any cost.  So how exactly did you pull off being one of the most loved characters in the world?

Bayushi Kachiko (silk kimono accenting form): You figure it out.

Kakita Brent: Ahh…I see.

Bayushi Kachiko: Well, probably my winning personality, too.

Kakita Brent: You mean the Seduction Tokens.

Bayushi Kachiko (smirking): Yes.

Mirumoto Christopher: If you must have a chi penalty, that’s the way to go!

Kakita Brent: I agree.  But I must ask, how was that long journey into the Burning Sands?  I mean, almost everyone thought that the Scorpion were in for some major trouble, and yet you come back smelling like a rose…or is that a cherry blossom?

Bayushi Kachiko: Long story short…kicked out of Empire, captured by barbarians, met Abresax, back to Rokugan.  It was hardly more a vacation.

Mirumoto Christopher: Abresax…not a nice man.  I hear the Lion have this thing against him, but I don’t quite get it.

Bayushi Kachiko: …It’s the Lion.  They seldom need a real reason.

Kakita Brent: Moving on, moving on…we need ALL of our viewers, even the Lion.  Now that the Scorpion are back, what’s this I here about a certain mountain-dwelling Clan losing a captured Thunder?

Mirumoto Christopher: ……….

Bayushi Kachiko: Shosuro.

Kakita Brent: THE…SHOSURO?

Mirumoto Christopher: Eep.  That sounds bad.

Bayushi Kachiko: Well, in a word, yes.  There can only be one Soul of Thunder, so it is a real problem., for me, at least.

Mirumoto Christopher: What brilliant scheme have you concocted to end this dangerous episode?

Bayushi Kachiko: Sorry…that’s a secret.  Clan policy.

Mirumoto Christopher: You can trust me…after all, Togashi Hoshi is half-Scorpion…

Bayushi Kachiko: Tell EVERYONE, why don’t you?

Mirumoto Christopher: Oh…right…sorry.

Kakita Brent: One final thing…what exactly…happened between you and Doji Hoturi?  Rumors run rampant, but I thought we’d better get the official word on things.

Mirumoto Christopher: Did you or did you not on several occasions “bow” the man in question?

Bayushi Kachiko (smirking and holding lock of white hair): No comment.

Kakita Brent: Any intentions of “bowing” Kuwanan, now that he is the new Crane Champion?

Bayushi Kachiko: I keep getting these weird “King of Siam” vibes, so no.  Plus, I can’t stand bald guys.

Mirumoto Christopher: I would like to remind you that unlike many of my kin, I have hair.

Kakita Brent: He really needs an arranged marriage.

Bayushi Kachiko: I’ll say.

Kakita Brent: Well, I suppose that we are out of questions, so this is the end…

Mirumoto Christopher (interrupting): No!  I have some more questions around here somewhere!  I know it!  Please, please don’t leave.  I’ll be right back!  DO-NOT-LEAVE!

Kakita Brent (watching Mirumoto Christopher vanish into the back room): Sigh…come on, we should probably slip out now.

Mirumoto Christopher: I heard that!  One minute, that’s all I ask!

Bayushi Kachiko (whispering): All right.  I know a great little place the Kolat keep near here…

Kakita Brent: You want to have dinner…with ME?  O-MY-KAMI!

Bayushi Kachiko: Just as long as you don’t have any problems with Kolat.

Kakita Brent (picking up daisho): …OK.  Why not?  After all, they’re only ninja.  I heard they’re more afraid of us than we are of them.

Mirumoto Christopher (returning several minutes later): Well, I finally found…?

Mirumoto Christopher (shouting out the Temple window): No, wait!  I have questions!  Many, many questions!  What color is your hair?

Mirumoto Christopher: Where did you get that stunning kimono?

Mirumoto Christopher: Can I call you sometime…maybe?  Please?  Come on, please!!!

Mirumoto Christopher (turning away from window): I’ll get that damn Crane for this.  Well, that’s it.  Show’s over.  Go home already…unless you really want to see me cry.

The End (For Now)