An Interview with Akodo Kaneka

 

Kakita Brent: OK, so I'm on my own this time...that's alright, I've done this before.  It shouldn't be a big problem.  After all, I just need to remain calm, composed...

Akodo Kaneka (sticking head through door): Hey pal, is this the Interviewing Temple of the Dragon?

Kakita Brent: This won't end well.

Akodo Kaneka (plopping down next to daisho stand): Nice place you've got here, Dragon.  Very nice.  So, hurry up with this...it's a long walk back to my Empire.

Kakita Brent: "Your Empire," Kaneka-sama?

Akodo Kaneka: Oh sure, I'm the rightful owner of the Yasuki Lands...

Kakita Brent (muttering): You and half of Rokugan...

Akodo Kaneka: So, I decided that would be the perfect place to start my campaign to expand my Empire.

Kakita Brent: Uh huh.  What about the Crab and the Crane Clans?  I would think that they would be a little annoyed about your decision.

Akodo Kaneka (enters political speech mode): Please...it's for the good of the Empire!  I'm not doing this for myself, man; it's simply a matter of stopping this war before the Shadowlands consumes us all!  Any personal benefits like money and power are merely secondary effects!

Kakita Brent: Then why not just march all those Akodo and Bayushi down to the Kaiu Wall and deal with the Daigotsu problem yourself?  You know, show them the "force of honor."

Akodo Kaneka: Errrr...that's the next part of my brilliant plan!  "Kaneka's Army" will be a huge success!  All I need to do is lure that little wiener Hachi into a real duel, and then I'll even have an Imperial Legion to use!

Kakita Brent: Hey, Hachi may not be the biggest gun in Rokugan, but he is the Emerald Champion...have a little respect!

Akodo Kaneka (shakes fist): Shut up, you little wiener kid, or I'll give you such a pounding!

Kakita Brent: I knew that this wouldn't end well...

Kakita Brent: Before you attempt this, do you think that I could get you to explain your bid for Emperor-ship?  No offense intended, but you've caused a lot of problems with you demanded your right to claim the throne...

Akodo Kaneka (lowering fist...slowly): Well, who would you rather support?  Tsudao, Sezaru, or that yuppie punk, Naseru?  Tsudao's an idealistic honor-groupie, Sezaru's wears a mask full-time, and Naseru's a politician, for Kami's sake!  I'm the man for the job, pal!

Akodo Kaneka (thinking hard): ...besides, I can kick the rest of their butts in a one-on-one fight.

Kakita Brent: Yes, most of the Empire knows that you are a fearsome swordsman in a fight; I was wondering how you mastered all of this skill at such a young age...for that matter, how can you explain that ALL of the Winds seem more powerful than the Seven Thunders, not to mention certain minor deities?  By the Fortunes, by your stats, you're almost as good as Kakita Toshimoko in a duel!

Akodo Kaneka: Stats?

Kakita Brent (hiding Imperial Herald): Never mind that...heh, heh...just the first question, Kaneka-sama...

Akodo Kaneka: Good genetic stock.

Kakita Brent: ...Nope.  It's just too easy.

Akodo Kaneka: All right, that's it!  You are going down, you little weakling!

Kakita Brent (diving behind daisho stand): O MY KAMI!  Mad Ronin, er Lion, er Imperial...whatever!

* * * *

Kakita Brent (staring down into an empty pool): OK, explain yourself.

Water Dragon (sounding innocent): What?

Kakita Brent: You know what I'm talking about!  Why did you protect that man, give him a magical sword, and set him loose on the Empire?  I thought that you were supposed to be impartial, not to mention wise!!

Water Dragon (sounds annoyed): Jeez, you make one bad decision since the beginning of time and people just won't let it go...sometimes I think there's no pleasing you people...

Kakita Brent: And would it have killed you to teach him some anger management techniques?  A stress ball, that little "count to ten" rule, or something?

Water Dragon (sounds REALLY annoyed): Oh shut up.  Stupid mortals...

THE END (for now...)