An Interview with Yoritomo Kitao

Voice from Hallway: Hey, guys! Guess who came back? Now, don't everyone come out at once...

Mirumoto Chris (looking around empty Temple): Hello?!? Geez, I finally make it back up the mountain and everyone leaves.

Mirumoto Chris (picking up paper): What's this? "Going Iaijutsuing?"

Mirumoto Chris: Oh well, at least it looks like they left my room alone. Hello, ladies!


Mirumoto Chris (running out of room): What in the name of Togashi was that? And I did not do it this time!

Oddly Half-clothed Woman: Ahrrrrrr! This be a Naval Invasion, Dragon! You will submit!

Mirumoto Chris (blinking): Umm... just who are you? And why did you break the door? Hoshi is going to make me pay for that one, too.

Oddly Half-clothed Woman: I be Yoritomo Kitao, captain of the Bitter Flower, and Champion of the Mantis! Now, kneel before the might of my Naval Invasion!

Mirumoto Chris (staring at exposed midriff): Well, that is a rather nice navel. I don't know if it is mighty or not, but it's a start.

Yoritomo Kitao: No, you stupid monk, not that navel...the other naval!

Mirumoto Chris (eyes big): You have two navels?


Mirumoto Chris: Damn it, every time I come back here...

Mirumoto Chris (rubbing head): Now, I could be wrong, but wouldn't a NAVAL Invasion require, say, sailing? I have it on good authority that we are in the mountains...

Yoritomo Kitao (laughing): Foolish Dragon, look out the window. The forces of the Mantis are not to be trifled with!

Mirumoto Chris: Sweet Shinsei! They rowed straight up the cliff face; I can see the divots!

Yoritomo Kitao: But now the men be too tired to row back, the pansies. This place hardly seems worth invading... I don't know what to do now.

Mirumoto Chris: An Interview! I can Interview you for the Dragon, Kitao-san. You can get your story out.

Yoritomo Kitao: Is there any money in it?

Mirumoto Chris (preventing to check wallet): ....maybe.

Yoritomo Kitao (looking bored): Then why not?

Mirumoto Chris: First question! What is the deal with this civil war? I mean, the Crane already tried this and it went rather poorly for them.

Yoritomo Kitao: Some members of the Mantis would rather follow a little hussie who happens to be Son of Storm's kid, rather than deal with a woman who earned her position like the original Yoritomo did.

Mirumoto Chris: That does seem a little out of place. The Yoritomo I knew would never want someone to gain power simply because of his or her lineage...especially his own daughter.

Yoritomo Kitao: Exactly. But the Tsuruchi are insisting on following her. It is so infuriating. After all, who got rid of that wuss Aramasu?

Mirumoto Chris (looking out window): That would be us, actually...

Yoritomo Kitao: What was that?

Mirumoto Chris: Nothing... what was that you were saying about Kumiko-san?

Yoritomo Kitao: Not much, besides that fact that she is a filthy, disgusting, brutal, bottom-feeding, trash-bag ho!

Yoritomo Kitao: And on top of it all, she is Tainted!

Mirumoto Chris (incredulous): Kumiko has the "taint"? You know, Kitao-san, with your reputation of putting out on the first date, the temple pool had you named to get the "taint" first.

Yoritomo Kitao: The Shadowlands Taint, you idiot.

Mirumoto Chris: Call it what you will...I'm just saying you need to use protection.


Mirumoto Chris: Ouch! That is just getting old...

Yoritomo Katoa: Arrrrr... we be ready to shove off, cap'n. But one of the rowers just died, he did. It will be difficult to get back, says I.

Yoritomo Kitao: Well then, Dragon. Where be my pay for this "interview?"

Mirumoto Chris (looking around frantically): Um, that is....

Mirumoto Chris (pointing out the window): Look, a distraction!

Kitao and Katoa (fighting): Where, where? Out of the way, pirate scum!

-scamper, scamper, scamper-

Yoritomo Kitao: Look! Now he's getting away. After him!

* * *

Kakita Brent: Look, all I'm saying is that any idiot who continues to carry a cursed sword deserves to get himself consumed by evil.

Bayushi James (stepping through broken door): This from the man who carried around a Bloodsword because "evil swords are the best?"

Kakita Brent: Don't change the…O MY KAMI! What happened?

Bayushi James (lifting scrap of paper): Ahem, "We be kidnappin' your matey, ahrrrr. If ye be wantin' him back, ye must pay us with all of ye booty. Ahrrrr." Signed, the Mantis Clan.

Kakita Brent: This is awful!

Bayushi James: I know! Who actually uses the term "booty?"

To Be Continued…Ahrrr