An Interview with Lady Moon

 

 

 

 

Mirumoto Christopher (hand extended from rubble): Cough, cough…I’m alive, alive!!!

Kakita Brent (broom over shoulder): OH MY KAMI…you are alive, not undead or anything!  I don’t believe it…I thought Kuwanan got you for sure.  Boy, was he ever mad!  …I never heard of anyone being specialized in the daisho stand!

Mirumoto Christopher: You’d be surprised how much you can live through…

Kakita Brent: But you will be happy to know that Hoshi had more faith in you than I did…

Mirumoto Christopher (eyes misty): Good old Hoshi…

Kakita Brent (holding out broom): He sent this.

Mirumoto Christopher: OHHH! I mean…I should just...  Nuts. (Begins sweeping up ruins of Interviewing Temple)

 

- Sweep, Sweep, Sweep -

 

Kakita Brent: You know, it’s going to be hard to get any respect in the courts when your traits go “Sentinel, Samurai, Janitor.”

Mirumoto Christopher: Just shut up and get me a trash can.

Ominous Voice: If you are both quite finished…I believe we have unfinished business.

Kakita Brent: AAAHHHHHHH…it’s Kitsu Osen, back for revenge from beyond the grave!

Mirumoto Christopher: No it isn’t, you silly Crane.  It’s just Hitomi…oh no!

Mirumoto Christopher (going pale): It was an accident!  I did not know that Yul…d’oh, Doji Kuwanan …was so powerful, yet quietly sensitive.  Really, it was his fault!  Please, please do not take this out of my pay!

 

<A Portal Opens>

 

Lady Moon: Actually, I’m rather proud…

Mirumoto Christopher: You mean it, proud…of me?  Well, I guess that I did handle the whole “Kuwanan” thing with a certain tact.  You’ll notice I saved the daisho stand!

Kakita Brent: You’re kidding, right?  You’re rewarding him…he destroyed the entire temple!  And lost Togashi’s Daisho!  And destroyed Agasha’s Mirror!

Lady Moon: But still, you can see that he only decimated one building and two ancestral items, really much better than I expected.

Kakita Brent: Makes sense to me, I guess.

Mirumoto Christopher: I miss Togashi…he never made fun of me…

Lady Moon: True…but he didn’t know you that well.

Kakita Brent: Well, you can see that the facility’s trashed, but would you like to be interviewed anyway?  I’m almost certain that we have never interviewed a celestial being before!

Mirumoto Christopher: I’ll have to check on that…

Lady Moon (looking hard at Kakita Brent): …

Kakita Brent (smiling winningly): I promise I will be nice this time.

Lady Moon: You’re afraid of me now, aren’t you?

Kakita Brent: Oh, indeed I am.  How ‘bout it?

Lady Moon (shrugs): Why not?

Kakita Brent (sitting down on Ancestral Rubble Pile of the Dragon Clan): Well, I suppose we should get comfortable…just brush the temple aside or something.

Mirumoto Christopher (sitting down on non-Ancestral stone): First of all…

Lady Moon (snapping at Mirumoto Christopher): Hey, you!  Do you think that the Temple will clean itself? You got the stupid thing crushed, so you keep working.

Mirumoto Christopher: Aww…  Yes, ma’am.

 

- Sweep, Sweep, Sweep -

 

Kakita Brent: Right off the top, how did that “bigger sword” idea work for you?

Lady Moon: Well, I did kill Onnatengu…funny how seventeen feet of blade can tip the scale…

Mirumoto Christopher (looking up from broom): I’ll say!  What an accomplishment…moving up from the Lady of Dragons to the Lady Moon. We are all so proud!  I was just telling Mitsu, “you know who’d make a good Moon…”

Kakita Brent (muttering): Please to remove your lips from her celestial posterior.

Lady Moon: Flattery will get you sent home unbowed…

Mirumoto Christopher (panic stricken): Next question, then! I, and I am sure many others, would love to know what you named the Shadow.  Care to shed any light on the subject?

Lady Moon: Shed light… cute.  Well, we were going to go with Edwin, but then, in my heavenly wisdom, I named the Shadow ‘Akodo.’ It seemed a shame without them running around.

Kakita Brent: AKODO?!?! Okay, (takes deep breath) now. In your “heavenly wisdom” you not only gave the Shadow samurai status, but gave the Lion a family with subtlety? What in the name of Hoturi have you done?

Lady Moon (fidgeting): It sounded like a much better idea when I explained it to the monks…

Mirumoto Christopher: I think it is brilliant!  The Shadow, forced into the form of the very epitome of bushido, and now they must take on the forms of the name!  That’ll teach ‘um, Hitomi-sama!  The irony is so… ironic!

Lady Moon (scowling): I don’t hear sweeping.

Mirumoto Christopher: Dirk fing blast…Yes, ma’am.

 

- Sweep, Sweep, Sweep -

 

Kakita Brent (grinning maliciously): Speaking of “brilliant,” how about Yakamo becoming the Sun? The irony is so… ironic.

Mirumoto Christopher: Please, Brent…you said you’d be nice.  She is heavenly now, and has left behind her petty, mortal vices.  I mean sure, as a mortal she was obsessive and downright evil at times, but she’s the MOON now!

Lady Moon: So I was “petty,” was I?  And you thought that I was “evil,” too?  But anyway, that coward is always running away from me.

Kakita Brent: Really? I had heard that it was the opposite.

Mirumoto Christopher (cutting off Brent): You have to have heard about Hoshi and Eisai’s son. They named him Satsu!  You must be so proud…wait…Absorbing Togashi’s essence…does that make you the grandfather?

Lady Moon (strangely feminine): He is such a darling… cute as a button.

Kakita Brent (mouth agape): …

Mirumoto Christopher (dropping broom from hands): … ma’am? Do you feel all right?

Lady Moon: He is going to grow up and be big and strong…. Yes he is!

Kakita Brent: This is getting too strange… she seems like a… a woman!  And actually, in this light…she looks kinda pretty…gasp!  Help Chris, do something, help, help!

Mirumoto Christopher: I understand, but I’ll save you!

Mirumoto Christopher (taking deep breath): YAKAMO RULES!!!!

Lady Moon (burning with righteous fury): Oh he does, does he? I will teach you how a REAL Dragon deals with traitors!  If you think the Tattooing Chamber was rough, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Kakita Brent (beaming): Good job! Now… run!

Mirumoto Christopher: AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Lady Moon: Time to try out Onnatengu’s Starlight Sword.

Kakita Brent: WAIT! One final question for the Lady Moon.

Lady Moon (following Chris with eyes): Be quick…he’s almost out of laser range.

Kakita Brent: I understand that we all had our differences in the past, but we really came together to defeat not only the old Moon, but the Shadow and Goju Adorai as well. I trust the Jade Empire will now live in an age of peace and prosperity?

Lady Moon: Yes… except for the small fact that both Hantei the 26th and Yogo Junzo made it back through the Gate from the spirit realm.  Between an old Hantei lobbying for the throne and Fu Leng’s lackey, I wouldn’t set those swords down just yet.

Mirumoto Christopher (far away): AHHHHHHH!!!

Lady Moon: He does have good ears, I’ll give him that.

Kakita Brent: … THE Yogo Junzo? This sounds bad.  Why is it that only people like that come back from the dead?

Lady Moon: Well, I really must go…that idiot’s going to bring another building down if I don’t kill him quick.

Kakita Brent (thinking quickly): Yes, you’d better hurry…I mean, look at the time!  It’s nearly sundown!  You wouldn’t want to be late, would you?  Guess you’ll have to kill him later, oh well…Good bye!

Lady Moon (grumbling): Tell him that I am always watching… and I know where he lives.

 

<A Portal Opens>

 

Mirumoto Christopher (peeking out from behind daisho stand): Did she leave? Is it safe?

Kakita Brent: Just start sweeping…and I don’t recommend that you stop.

 

- Sweep, Sweep, Sweep -

 

Mirumoto Christopher (sweeping furiously): That ends another interview, folks.  Thanks for everybody sticking by us while I was covered in piles of pointy rocks… if only someone would have come looking for me… (glowering towards Kakita Brent)

Kakita Brent (shrugs): Yeah, but what are you going to do?

 

THE END (for now…)