An Interview with Hantei Naseru


Kakita Brent (shuffling through papers): This whole interviewing process is a lot of work...I wish Chris hadn't gone all "Lion Clan-ish" on me...after all, you'd think he'd want to stay as far away from bladed implements as possible by now...

Bayushi James (looking over his paper): Yeah, but what ya gonna do?

Kakita Brent: You know, you could help out a little...I mean, you have been eating the Dragon's food for the last three months.

Bayushi James: What, I'm helping...I got someone for the interview today.

Kakita Brent: I'm almost afraid to ask..who is it? Oni no Akuma?.

Bayushi James (smiling): Oh you know...I pulled a few ever heard of Hantei Naseru?

Kakita Brent (dropping papers): of the heirs to the throne.......HERE? How?

Bayushi James: Eh, I've got connections...and a lot of spare time since by layoff from the Bloodsword Delivery. You'd think swords of evil would be a nice, stable workplace, and then Kuni Utagu gets elected Jade Champion...

Kakita Brent: Connections, huh? Maybe you'd better level with me, before I level you...

Bayushi James: What? I'm telling the truth....

Kakita Brent (touching sword): Ever seen a Crane sever the bottom half of a person? The top half can live for QUITE a while...

Bayushi James: No, but consider it noted...


Kakita Brent: OK, well, since Chris isn't here, just sit there in the corner and act wussy and stuff; hopefully no one in the Dragon will notice that we're the only ones left here, ok?

Bayushi James: Done and done.

Hantei Naseru (entering with a score of yojimbo and courtiers): Now, now, this is no time for fanfare...I'm a busy man! Where's the one who promised that they could bring the power of the Kolat to my side?

Kakita Brent (rubbing forehead): I figured as much...

Bayushi James: After the interview, Hantei-sama...someone will explain everything, once you leave... So, anway, completely off the subject: How's this whole "bid for the Emperor-ship" going?

Hantei Naseru: Initial results are good for the local primaries; we're going to have to work hard to pull through support in the Lion/Crab makets, but I'm hoping the Crane and Phonix voter base will pull me through.

Kakita Brent (muttering): Why is it that EVERY Hantei thinks this is a democracy?

Hantei Naseru: But, with the support of the...ahem, grass roots movements like the Kolat...

Kakita Brent: Yeah,'d think that no one ever ruled anything without the ninja or the Kolat...sheesh. Anyway, you know that your siblings are also planning to become the next Emperor or Empress. How much trouble has that little discussion stirred up in the capital?

Hantei Naseru: Well, I've established a special committee to look into that. Simply put, though, I think that Tsudao and Kaneda's ability to hit things with swords is about their strongest points, politically...and Sezura's just a mask-wearing freak.

Bayushi James (muttering): He's lucky those bodyguards are so big...

Kakita Brent: know, for a guy bucking to become the new Emperor, you seem to have a bit of a mean streak. Ever think that you might...MIGHT be able to work with your siblings to figure this whole thing out, or are we talking Clan War II here?

Hantei Naseru: comment.

Hantei Naseru (to yojimbo): Word of Operation: Crush Everyone Else has been leaked! They know too much.

Kakita Brent: Um, you know...we're sitting right over here.

Hantei Naseru (hiding behind fan): OF COURSE YOU ARE! Didn't take my little joke too seriously, did you? I mean, surely you'd know better than to think that one of Toturi's line would lead this Empire to ruination.

Kakita Brent: O MY KAMI...during your father's time, we had a Coup, a Clan War, a Ninja Invasion, and an army of spirits attack us! That's got to be the worst defense ever!

Bayushi James: I'm thinking we'll be hearing about this on Court TV very soon...

Hantei Naseru (pointing with fan): Who are the two of you, to challenge MY word! I am the son of the great Touri, and I bear the name of the first Emperor of this land! Either serve at my feet, or lie dead behind shall be done, BY THE WILL OF HEAVEN!

Kakita Brent: Oh no....not again. Not again.

Bayushi James: Boy, the apple don't fall far from the tree, does it?

Hantei Naseru: Now, deliver the emissary of the Kolat!

Kakita Brent (points at Bayushi James): Right there.

Bayushi James: Um...would you care to step outside please, I'll be right with you. (whispering to Hantei): The Crane cannot be trusted.

Hantei Naseru (winking): Ohhhhh....riiiiiiight.

<Naseru and entourage exits>

Kakita Brent: All time, no lying or bribery or any other unscrupulous behavior for booking interviews, OK? If Chris heard that we lied to the Emperor's son, he'd be more than a little upset, not to mention what Lady Hitomi and Lord Hoshi would do about it.

Bayushi James (running from door to door): Yeah, yeah, yeah! Less talk, more lock! Move Move Move!

Kakita Brent: Well folks, I guess we have a wonderfully bright future to look forward to...but maybe things will work out better than we think. After all, maybe we'll just end up under one of Toturi's OTHER power-mad spawn. I hate hereditary rule.

Bayushi James (running through): Code Red! Lackeys breaking through! ABORT ABORT! Sweet Shinsei, NOOOOOOO!!!

The End (for now...)