An Interview with the Ninja


Kakita Brent: Hello again viewers! Today we have another fool's errand...

Mirumoto Christopher (Interrupting): ...Field Interview from our, heh, Field Interviewer Horiuchi MeiMei. Yes, that's it.

Kakita Brent: We've sent her to find and interview... *dramatic pause* ...a Ninja!

Both: Oooohhh.

Mirumoto Christopher: We have word that she hasn't found one to interview yet, but let's just use our Secrets on the Wind to monitor her progress. Here we go!

(MeiMei is walking through a small Sparrow Clan village, stopping at random houses and attempting to get directions to a Ninja to interview.)

Horiuchi MeiMei (To a nearby woman): Excuse me ma'am, but I'm looking for a Ninja to interview for the guys at Kyuden Ryu. Can you help me?

Chochu: Nope. We... er... they don't exist.

Horiuchi MeiMei: What do you mean 'they don't exist' - I've destroyed Ninjas myself!

Chochu (Edgy): I gotta go. Now.

(A swarm of butterflies suddenly appears between them. When the butterflies fly away, Chochu has vanished.)

Horiuchi MeiMei (Scratches her head): What a strange girl. I'll bet she's a Kolat. *Sees another woman* Hey Miss! Have you seen any Ninjas around?

Ninube Ogoku: Ninjas? In this part of town? Nah.

Horiuchi MeiMei: So there are Ninjas here somewhere? I need to find one to interview and quickly or I might lose my job!

Ninube Ogoku: I don't know where there are, but I'll be happy to tag along with you.

Horiuchi MeiMei: Fine, fine. But let me know if you see any along the way.

Ninube Ogoku (Smiling): But of course.

Horiuchi MeiMei (Waves at a nearby child): You there, kid! I need to locate a Ninja.

Ninja Mimic: I need to locate a Ninja.

Horiuchi MeiMei: That's real funny. Where can I find one?

Ninja Mimic: Where can I find one?

Horiuchi MeiMei: Alright kid, here's some sweet rice, now go play over by that anthill.

Ninja Mimic: Alri...

(MeiMei cuts him off and points at the dirt mound covered with red ants. Ogoku pats him on the head before he happily wanders off.)

Horiuchi MeiMei (Desperately): I'm supposed to have found one by now. I could lose my job!

Ninube Ogoku: How much do you get paid?

Horiuchi MeiMei: Well, nothing. *spots a man in black pajamas* How about that guy?

Ninube Ogoku: I don't think you're going to get much out of him.

Horiuchi MeiMei: Well, I've got to try. (To the man) Pardon me sir, but have you seen any Ninjas around here?

Ninja Questioner: What does a Ninja look like?

Horiuchi MeiMei: Umm. They're kinda dark and mysterious, like you.

Ninja Questioner: Statement. 1-Love.

Horiuchi MeiMei: What the heck are you talking about?

Ninja Questioner: You mean you don't know?

Horiuchi MeiMei: Of course I mean I don't know!

Ninja Questioner: Another statement. 2-Love.

Horiuchi MeiMei (Screaming) Ghaaaaa! *punts the Ninja into next month*

Ninube Ogoku: I told you that you wouldn't get any help from him.

Horiuchi MeiMei (Icily): Yes, you did. Now help me find a Ninja before I do to you what I did to Mr. Inquisitive back there.

Ninube Ogoku (Looks around wildly, trying to find something else to get MeiMei's attention): Uhhhh.... Look over there! *points towards a man slinking in the shadows*

Horiuchi MeiMei (To the shady character): Halt! Magistrate!

(The man in the shadows stops as MeiMei jogs up to him.)

Horiuchi MeiMei: What's your name, sir?

Man: Suzume Roshi.

Horiuchi MeiMei: And do you know why I stopped you, Roshi-san?

Suzume Roshi: I was just on my way to get that tail-light fixed, I swear.

Horiuchi MeiMei (Momentarily confused): Tail-light? What are you talking about? Nonono, I stopped you because you're a Ninja.

Suzume Roshi: A Ninja, that's preposterous! They don't even exist!

Horiuchi MeiMei: Then explain to me why you're carrying all of this illegal Ninja equipment. Shuriken, Climbing Gear, Poison Dartgun, and what's this? A Night Medallion! Having posession of one of these babies is a capital offense, you know. You'd be lucky to get away with only remorseful seppuku.

Suzume Roshi: Look at my I.D.! I'm not a Ninja!

Horiuchi MeiMei (Inspecting the I.D. card handed to her): Suzume Roshi, Sparrow Clan Samurai. Your I.D. checks out, but it's missing one thing.

Suzume Roshi: What's that?

Horiuchi MeiMei: It doesn't say that you're a Ninja! And how else could you get ahold of all this dangerous equipment? I've been looking for a Ninja and you've got all the evidence I need right here. I was just going to interview you but after seeing all of that illegal gear, I'm going to have to arrest and interrogate you.

Suzume Roshi: Awww, nuts. This never happens to the Dragonfly Clan!

Horiuchi MeiMei (To Ogoku): Can you tell Mirumoto Chris and Kakita Brent that I can't do their interview right now? I've got to get this criminal into custody.

Ninube Ogoku: Sure, why not. For Horiuchi MeiMei and the rest of the gang at Kyuden Ryu, this is Ninube Ogoku, signing off.

* * *

Kakita Brent (confused): OK…WTF?

Mirumoto Christopher: Man, and I really wanted to hear from a ninja…

The End (for now…)