An Interview with Bayushi Paneki

Kakita Brent: Welcome back folks!  Sorry for the delay, but with all of the Tsuno outbreaks, Kaiu Wall incidents and the Dark Oracle attacks, and all that, it was a bit difficult for our next guest to find time to see us.  Hopefully he'll show up shortly...

Bayushi Paneki (appearing from the darkness): I am already here...

<WHAM!!!>

Kakita Brent (looking at bokken-knot on Paneki's head): Er, sorry about that, Paneki-sama...it's just that, well, you really shouldn't be jumping out at people like that, you know.  Being a Scorpion is no excuse for poor etiquette, you know.

Bayushi Paneki (rubbing head): No problem; happens all the time.  Heck, you think that was bad; Tsudao-sama hits a LOT harder than you do...

Kakita Brent: Sooooo, you and Tsudao are....close, huh?

Bayushi Paneki: Well, you could say that.  After all, I DO spend most nights staring at her while she sleeps.

Kakita Brent (shivering): Um...OK.  She does know that you do these sort of things, right?  I mean, your title is "Defender of the Empire," not "Stalker."

Bayushi Paneki: Oh sure, she acts all indignant and insulted and calls the miharu, but it's just part of a game we play.  It's kind of fun, trying to find my way out of those prisons in time to be there when she wakes up in the morning!

Kakita Brent: Paneki, even as Scorpion go, that is just creepy and wrong.  I hope that there is no Tsudao-related story about you being "Defender of the Empire."  I don't think that I could take that...

Bayushi Paneki (shaking head): No, nothing like that.  During the Spirit Wars I did some poisoning work under the Legions and got rid of a bunch of those golden-hued weenies.  The Emperor always says stuff like, "assassination bad, poison bad," but suddenly you're a frickin' hero when it's the other guy's troops that fall over!  Funny how quick ole' Toturi changed his opinion!

Bayushi Paneki (sticking tongue out): Honor...bleck.  Never touch the stuff myself.

Kakita Brent (ignoring the Scorpion propaganda): So, what about that spirit general, Ide Gokun?  He swore revenge on you, then vanished just a few days later.  Care to shed some light on that?  I'll bet that there's a story of painful poking and stuff...

Bayushi Paneki: Nah, that's not a very good story; all the REALLY interesting stuff happened once Tsudao and I started hanging out.  Here's a good one; you see, it all started when we were traveling through...

Kakita Brent (sitting back as Paneki rails on): Um...Paneki?

Bayushi Paneki (pretty darn oblivious): ...and so, she says, "Paneki, did you go through my closet again?"  Well, you know me, I just smiled and kept walking.  Later that day...

Kakita Brent: Paneki, please, please stop.  I can not, repeat, CANNOT afford to have these types of images bouncing around my head if Tsudao-sama stops by!

Bayushi Paneki (fishing out photos from wallet): Yeah, that was a crazy day.  Oh, that reminds me of another day...

<IAIJUTSU THWACK!!!>

Bayushi Paneki: ...of course, he wasn't the daimyo at the time!  And then, I suggested that all that armor was probably hindering our training; it was a joke, really, so she acted all indignant...

Kakita Brent (checking bokken): Funny, that usually works...

Kakita Brent (placing something in front of the window): I hoped it wouldn't come to this...O MY KAMI!!!  PANEKI, LOOK AT THIS!  It's the rare, one of a kind foiled version of Toturi Tsudao drawn without a top!

Bayushi Paneki: It must be mine!

<Leap...Miss...Thud, Thud, Thud>

Kakita Brent (looking out window): Ouch.  I guess that we won't get to figure out the secret behind that stupid thong-mask thingie of his...though considering how the rest of Paneki's stories went, I'm already certain that it wouldn't be a story we could air in any case.  Good night folks. <shakes head>

The End (for now...)