An Interview with the Dark Oracle of Fire

Kakita Brent: Well folks, in light of the recent declaration of 'Celestial Kombat' by the Water Dragon, we at Kyuden Ryu have been forced to resort to a different avenue of elemental support, at least until the Dragon is willing to admit that he was wrong, wrong, wrong for what he did.  Therefore, in the meantime, I give you Agasha Tamori, the Dark Oracle of Fire!

Tamori (blazing with anger): That's TAMORI!  No Agasha!  Worthless, amoral, stupid red chickeny Agasha...

Kakita Brent (scooting away from burning Oracle): You know, surprisingly you and Chris would get along nicely...if only he weren't learning how to speak Ashalan, for some reason.  Think maybe that this whole 'Agasha' think might have pushed you over the edge and into Dark Oracle territory?

Tamori: Don't knock it until you've tried it, kid.  Considering how much bickering 'the good guys' are doing in this arc, you might find evil has a lot to offer.

Kakita Brent (raising hands): Fair enough, I guess.  So, let me see if I've got your history straight, Tamori-san...Agasha Daimyo, then just Tamori after the defection.  Tainted at Volturnum, helped the evil armies of Hantei XVI, disappeared and now the Dark Oracle of Fire?

Tamori (beaming...no, seriously!): I know; it's an impressive resume.

Kakita Brent: I guess...maybe you can answer this for me: why are the powerful fire shugenja always nuts?

Tamori (glaring): What are you implying?

Kakita Brent (averting gaze): Well, you know...Isawa Tsuke detonating half the Phoenix...his son's not mad I guess, but he always comes off as such a jerk...you, being all Tainted and Dark Oracle-ly and stuff...  Maybe it comes with the need to master not booting at the stench of burning flesh?

Kakita Brent: Come to think of it, I don't think I've EVER met a calm, reasonable fire shugenja...

Tamori: I'm perfectly reasonable!

Kakita Brent: O MY KAMI!  You killed Isawa Riake!

Tamori (desperately flailing arms): Only because she tried to defend herself!!!

Kakita Brent: You attacked your own daughter!

Tamori: Well, if she would just put some clothes on, that's all I ask!  Always walking around in those skin-tight kimono; it's no wonder she can't find a proper husband!  She's spoiling my good name!

Kakita Brent (rolling eyes): You're the Dark Oracle of Fire...you have no 'good name.'

Tamori (looking around in desperation): Umm, wouldn't you like me to predict the future, or something like that?  I mean, after all, it really would be a shame if you didn't, umm, make use of my unparalleled skills.

Kakita Brent: This isn't one of those 'knowledge for your soul' deals, is it?

Tamori: Geez, a guy becomes a Dark Oracle and suddenly no one trusts you...

Kakita Brent (arms akimbo): Oh, what the Jigoku. OK, Dark Oracle of Fire...umm...

Kakita Brent: Got one!  How long will it be until the Lion-Scorpion alliance declares war on the Crane Clan?

Tamori (checks watch): You don't have to be an Oracle for this one...I give them six hours, give or take.  When you give the choice between Shadowlands and Crane, the Lion don't take long to decide.  Unless Toturi Tsudao forces them to do the right thing...

Kakita Brent: You're kind of a cynic, you know that?

Tamori: You want to put faith in the Lion Clan?  Remember Tsuko???

Kakita Brent: It's hard to argue with that kind of logic...and Nimuro does kind of look like a less-manly Tsuko.  Anyway, now that you're here, do you think that you could do something about all this magma that seems to be infesting Dragon Lands?  Not that we don't love noxious fumes and all; we spoke to the Fire Dragon, but he refused, so...

Tamori (shakes head): Sorry, no can do.  I'm punishing the Agasha for their lack of faith.

Kakita Brent: Um, Tamori-san...the Agasha are over there now...remember our little Phoenix discussion?

Tamori (slaps head): Ah, crap!  No wonder Daigotsu was laughing when I suggested it! <Tamori vanishes in a puff of smoke and fire>

* * * *

Kakita Brent: I think there's a lesson here somewhere...

Bayushi James (from kitchen): Don't call the Dragon of Water a 'poseur?'

Kakita Brent: Quiet you.

The End (for now...)